I was a taller girl too, once. (regala_electra) wrote,
I was a taller girl too, once.
regala_electra

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Peanut brittle, or don't bother reading if quasi-formed theories about faith bother you

So. Yeah. Good Friday. I had chicken for lunch. Whoops.


I'm not terribly religious. I was baptized Catholic. And well...that's about it.

The last time I actually wanted to go to Church, I was around 10 or 11 and it was Easter Sunday and I wanted to go to Mass with the family and I got into an argument with my mom because I didn't want to wear a certain outfit, so they left without me.

I was a little angry, but I got over it. And I honestly tried to think of what I was missing. Being uncomfortable on the pews? Being hissed at to stop fidgeting? Listening to droning, boring speeches about things that even then, I questioned?

Fastfoward some time later. I was sixteen and one night, while cleaning the kitchen, my mom confronts me (all worried, as if she was asking me if I was spending my days lighting cats on fire and setting off fire alarms), and asks if I want to start going to religion school. She was concerned and was like, "I don't want my daughter going to hell...blah blah blah..."

(Meanwhile, everyone in my classes who went to religion school couldn't remember the most basic facts about the Catholic Church and I knew most of them and didn't even go.)

I turned her down as nicely as I could because honestly, I'm a Roman Catholic only in name and that's it.

It's actually because of my dad, as he wanted his kids to 'choose' their faith. Which I actually agree with. My dad's an former altar boy by the way, he's been a part of the Church and all that.

I've read the Bible. Quite a bit of it. I've studied the history of the Church, I can tell you about the Counter-Reformation and the Council of Trent (I've actually read the whole thing, as I am an uber!geek), I can talk about the early founding of the Catholic Church and talk about the corruption regarding the Popes in the early Renaissance days.

I've read a lot and taken a lot of classes directly dealing with Christian iconography in art and it's a subject that fascinates me.

I just never found...I dunno, found the Answer in the Church?

I have my faith. It's great. I believe in equality, in freedom, in hope, in faith for humanity's future. I believe in a spirit, but I don't personify it to the point where it's an actual male figure. I've always been weirded out when people address God as a male, going, "I go by His will and He will prevail."

Honestly, I could be a theology major if I wanted to, I'm interested in world religions, especially from an anthropological viewpoint.

But, no, I don't pray. I don't go to Church. I attend Church weddings, baptisms, etc., and I know the routines.

My faith is my faith and probably isn't your faith. I've always been against the idea of prayer in school because hello, people do not all celebrate the same religious practices. Look at all the splits in Christianity. Would it just be an hour where everything was quiet so people could pray their own way?

If they had prayer in public school when I was going, I'd just read a book. Or write something.

I'm probably a 'lapsed' Catholic, although I've never really practiced the religion. Because the people that I do know that are really religious, I'm speaking about family members and friends, people I've known from school, etc. are some of the biggest assholes and heartless people I've ever met.

God, my own grandmother, who's so grandly of the Church and goes every Sunday didn't even send me a birthday card for my 21st birthday. I admit, that's a mark of character, but if I'm damned because I ate chicken today and she's got a ticket to Heaven because she regularly attends Church, then that's not the religion I want to celebrate and honor.

People in high school, the ones that partied, did drugs, drank, were cruel to anyone unpopular, and were just some of the most obnoxious jerks I've ever had the displeasure to know, regularly went on Sunday to Church and had gone to religious school. Some of them had dared look down on me because I hadn't gone to school.

Then they'd all talk about how they did 'absolutely fucking nothing' during their classes and how they hated the people who taught the classes. Clearly, they were much better than me, the 'fucking atheist.'

They never did their Christian duty to be kind to others.

I don't need to go somewhere to know to be kind. To know that doing right is better than doing wrong. That it is good to be charitable, especially when you get nothing in return. To hope for those who are in trouble to get well and to support those who have nothing but support to keep them going.

I'm not going to Hell, because I frankly don't think there's such a place. I don't think that 'my' God is better than 'your' God. Those are my beliefs, not yours.

I value many of the goods things that have come out of religions. I understand its purpose. I would never infringe on others' rights to practice their faith.

But I do not believe that God talks to me. I don't think the Devil influences things as I also don't think magic fairies can whisk me away to fairyland.

I question a lot of what is in the Bible. I see it as something that is written by humans and has faults and also good points.

So today I had chicken. And several years ago, my mom cooked up beef on Good Friday and said, after we'd eaten most of it, "Oh we weren't supposed to eat that."

Really.

God, I've assumed, is supposed to be forgiving. As humans are not perfect and we are wont to make mistakes.

So that's the ramble. Easter means eggs, chocolate, and cooking a nice dinner. My family doesn't go to Church. We hang out together. Maybe someone will say a few words.

That's pretty much all I need.
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