That's a joke me and my high school friends had. It started because of one night during a musical rehearsal. We (me and about three other people) were incredibly bored and wandering around the school halls, waiting for when we'd need to go up on stage to practice our dance moves. One of my friends did the announcements in the morning and the little room where they had the microphone was open. Because we were a bit punch-drunk from lack of sleep and boredom, we stumbled into there and did some joke announcements. Honestly, I can't even remember what they were. I think someone said, "Would you like to eat my nachos?" which is WTF completely stupid. Yet it's also really hilarious, especially when said in a goofy voice.
Er, turned out the school wasn't as empty as we thought. There was a PTA meeting apparently and one of the parents came storming out to scold us for our oh-so-wild ways of doing a two minute long (at most) joke announcement. In an empty school. At around 9PM at night.
So after that, I joked, in a creepy voice, "...and next they'll be dancing!" Because shock! horror! Teenagers do things! How dare they!
Yes, it's inspired from the cheesey awesome that is Footloose, a story about a town that banned rock and roll and dancing.
Good thing that never happens anymore.
Oh fuck, before I had to explain my opening line, I had some Rage On. Let me rant at ya for a moment:
I was listening to NPR on the way home from work, where they reported a story about a high school principal who had banned school dances because the students were dancing just too wild.
As the NPR announcer said: "hips thrusting...behinds gyrating..." and I thought to myself, oh, so you mean, they were dancing?.
Then they played a '50's style crooning song that all those nice, awesome happy people back in the Fifties used to dance to. You know, people back in the old days never danced crazy at all.
No sir, there was not of this "rap" and "hip-hop" nonsense, which encourages a woman to get out on the floor and "shake that ass."
Already my blood pressure is boiling.
Then they have the fucking principal on. Okay, I missed the name of the school, so I didn't hear the name until the end of the report, so I'll save that for later. First let me tear this asshole a new hole.
He's cracking jokes about how when he was a teenager, he danced in such a way that he wouldn't be ashamed for his parents to see. That the most risque thing he did was the Hustle (for he Came of Age during the '70s, where there was no dirty dancing ever! Nope! Certainly no drug use either! Studio 54 says what?). Then the fucker said he "cut a rug" in college.
In fucking college.
Implying that you can dance however you want when you're in college.
Look, I've posted my dancing essay, but here's my fucking freak dancing essay. I'm a damn proud freak dancer. Because I'm good at it. Because it's wonderful. Because it's fucking fun. A lot of reasons, all fantastic, I assure you. Because dancing ain't just a metaphor for sex.
And here's the best reason: nobody forces you to dance. Ever. It's YOUR choice. Seriously, High School Principal Man. Does it appear to be simulated sex? Fucking with your clothes on?
Hell yes. If you're doing it right.
I was a nerd/freak/depressive person in middle school. I came a bit into my own in high school. Accepting the freakitude as it were.
Look, if some guy, who wouldn't give me the time of day during classes, did dance with me, then I didn't mind. Maybe it's because I've been this tall (5'11") since I was about 14. And I dance wearing at least 2 1/2 inch heels. Ain't nobody grinding up against me if I don't want them dancing with me. I give them my Death Glare and they back the fuck off.
It could be that I'm getting riled up because I remember a Homecoming Dance where I was freak dancing with a couple of guys (and by "a couple" I may mean "about four" and whatever, I had my game on, yo) and one of the teachers pulled me away to scold me and ask me "are you okay?" Dude. I'm dancing. I'm cool.
Dancing isn't oppression, especially not for me. I mean, if you're really being "forced" to dance, pretend to pull a goddamn muscle and sit down at a table.
That this principal cut off all dances is pathetic.
Also, as far as what he considers acceptable dancing, times have not only changed, cultures have. If you drop by my dad's side of the family, um, we do dance close. Not necessarily freak dancing. But if you can figure out how to salsa and merengue at a safe distance, then you're not doing it right.
And did you forget that teenagers = hormones?
Because the couple that made out next to my locker every fucking day for nearly six months sure as hell didn't forget.
The school is called Aliso Niguel High School and is in California. Here is the story.
And he's really shocked that students come to these things after drinking? What the fuck century is he living in? You know, compared to my parents' generation, I'd say these kids are at most only following traditions.
I have a story about a watermelon filled with vodka and how that was served at a student pinic back in the day. But I'll leave that story to the past.
I'm not saying that these issues should just be ignored. What I'm saying is that to act as if these are new ZOMG TERRIBLE things when in reality, these have always been a part of high school life, is infuriating.
And to stomp all over freak dancing?
You know, while young people are doomed to make the same mistakes of their parents and it's something you're ALWAYS told to consider when you're a teenager, these people in charge have to remember that they too once were hormonal jackasses who thought they knew everything as well.
Don't make us bring up your questionable fashion choices.
Now I'm going to get my fucking swerve on, cabron.