I was a taller girl too, once. (regala_electra) wrote,
I was a taller girl too, once.
regala_electra

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Wherein there aren't trolls and I'm giving Sam and Dean a mission

Someone should write the Winchester Boys in Trolls 2. You know, Trolls 2, a “horror” movie that doesn’t even feature trolls. The monsters are goblins who want to try to feed people green slime so the goblins can in turn eat the people when the people start turning into tree-people. Yeah. It’s eleven kinds of horrible.

Featuring such classic lines as:

“Do you see what this says? Do you? Hospitality! You can’t piss on hospitality! I won’t allow it!”

You can’t piss on hospitality. Please bask in the horribleness of that line. Then laugh, if only to keep yourself from crying.

“C’mon, sing that song I like so much!”
(Boy sings Row-Row-Row Your Boat. The mother doesn’t know the name of that song, one she likes so much?)

“Your brother’s not a little shit. He’s just sensitive.”

“Nilbog! It's Goblin spelt backwards. Oh no! This is their kingdom!”
(After the boy sees the sign in a mirror, realizing the town is Goblin spelt backwards, oh noes!)

“They’re eating her. And then they’re going to eat me next. Oh. My. Goooooooooooooooooooooood.”
(You have to see/hear this one to believe it. Possibly one of the worse line deliveries ever. Oh my Gawd.)

- So if someone really, really loves me, they should write this fic. Bonus points if they can include the popcorn sex scene. Yes, there’s a popcorn sex scene. It is exactly as horrible as you imagine. At one point, there is corn on the cob being eaten by both participants and it gets so hot it starts popping. Er. I can’t unsee that ever.

Honestly, I just want to read (and not write it, because it’ll break my brain) Dean or Sam saying “Nilbog! Oh no, this is their kingdom!”

And I want Dean to kill the goblins the same way the boy does (no, not with the help of his magical dead grandfather, seriously I am not making that shit up). By eating a fatty sandwich with tons of meat. Yeah. That’s how you kill off goblins.

Is there any movie out there worse that Trolls 2?
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