They made him out of plastic and magic, an accursed clone of Shakespeare, but one day, he had gone too far, too awesome, and had killed too many. He had been encased with a warning that he had become...an action figure.
Shakespeare is not amused by this.
But ho! Who is this young berobed prat carrying a giant phallic symbol! It is none other than Evil Harry Potter.
Oh Noes! Does he mean to do things most foul?
Evil Harry Potter: Mwuah ha ha ha!!! I have sworn to steal Shakespeare's mighty quill, so that I may take over the Wizarding world, for you see, after I defeat Voldemort, ALL MUST TREMBLE BEFORE ME!
Evil Harry Potter: I have removed Shakespeare's case and once Shakespeare is freed, I can get him to tell everyone how fantastic my series really is and they can STFU about it sucking.
Bitchy Dementor: SON OF A BITCH. Why can't I ever take a coffee break?
Bitchy Dementor: You moron, you can't let Evil Shakespeare loose. Don't you know he'll eat all the braaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnssssssss in the world?
Evil Harry Potter: That's exactly my plan. Also, I want that quill.
Bitchy Dementor: Find, then I'm going to release the hound.
Evil Harry Potter: Like a hound is going to...
Evil Harry Potter: Ahhhhh! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
Evil Harry Potter From the Future: Hey Evil Harry Potter. I remembered that I messed up when I tried to unleash Shakespeare, so I've brought this friendly leopard who insisted it come with me to my past for some strange reason, and oh, you see, I also have an Evil Scroll with words to banish the dementor.
Evil Harry Potter: ...ow
Evil Harry Potter From the Future: Yeah, I remember that hurt. *cursifies the Dementor*
Bitchy Dementor: Why couldn't I have accepted a post at Azakaban!!!
Growly Werewolf Who Is Not Actually Lupin: GRRRRRRRR. *is biting*
Evil Harry Potter From the Future: Well done, Evil Harry!
Evil Harry Potter: You too, Future Evil Harry! We really are quite awesomely evil, aren't we?
Evil Harry Potter From the Future: Well, I am. I don't know about you. Now let us complete the final incantation.
Evil Shakespeare: *IS ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE*
Bitchy Dementor: There's only two wizards crazy enough to stop the Evil Harry Potters and keep Shakespeare from Zombifying the world!
Sirius and Remus: *are making out*
(off stage: Bitchy Dementor: I hate you both so very, very much.)
*suddenly the plan has gone sideways*
Evil Harry Potter: Oh shit, I think I made a huge mistake!
Evil Harry Potter From the Future: I am really pissed off that I didn't remember this when I was you. Damn time travel!
UNLEASHED SHAKESPEARE: BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!
Evil Harry Potter: Wait, what happens at the end of book 7!
Evil Harry Potter From the Future: ...no...spoilers...
*is killing Evil Harry Potter from the future.
Alas! Evil Shakespeare has been freed, thanks to the assistance of Werewolf That is Not Lupin and Mr. Fribbley-Whiskers, Evil Shakespeare's trusty time traveling cat.
Whose brains shall Shakespeare feast on? Where shall he go? What evil acts shall he commit?
Damn you, Evil Harry Potter!