Summary: IDK MY BFF D'Argo.
Word Count: 436
Author's Notes: Combining ignited's request for Jared/Jensen and memphis86's request for D'Argo. This works in my mind. I AM DRUNK.
He should have stopped him at I have a plan.
"Do you think this is a good idea, Jared?"
"What? C’mon, we look awesome," Jared says, smoothing down the front of his leather jumpsuit where the pink stripes zigzag. The human proudly calls them his gay lightning bolts.
D’Argo sees no reason why these clothes are so happy. His mivonks are already chafing.
"For three cycles you have wooed the Sebacean and still he refuses to move into your quarters. How will wearing tight leather convince Jensen that he is ready for the ultimate bonding ritual?"
"Well for one thing, I’m not following your advice. Union tattoos," Jared huffs, dramatically, awkwardly shimmying in his too-tight jumpsuit towards Jensen’s favorite hideout, a secluded hanger.
D’Argo has vowed never to be taken prisoner and yet this outfit is indeed a most torturous prison.
Catching his reflection in one of Moya's recently cleaned walls, D'Argo does have to admit that he does look rather fetching.
"My advice was sound, Jared."
"Seriously? That’s the best you could come up with, Big Guy?"
"I do not believe you are prepared for the strenuous requirements of a Luxan mating ritual so I suggested an easier route," D'Argo smugly answers. His arms get a little stuck as he attempts to cross his arms across his chest.
"You didn't tell me they said 'Property Of' until after I showed them to Jensen!"
"Perhaps it is like that advice book on your planet. He Is Not That Inside of You."
"Into. Into you," Jared corrects, flushing bright. However the sudden redness of his skin is probably due to overheating. This jumpsuit could kill a Sebacean in less than two arns.
They're right at the hanger doors when Jared pauses. "D'Argo, what if he says no?"
"You're the worst wingman ever."
"No, Jared, my friend," D'Argo says, carefully bringing his hand to rest on Jared's shoulder, a mighty task given the circumstances, "I am not. I have a surprise from you."
"Yes." Ripping the right sleeve off the cursed jumpsuit, D'Argo quickly opens the hanger doors and the music, provided by the DRDs, begins blasting.
[Author Insert: PLAY THIS NOW:
Jensen is crouched in his usual position, body bend over, covering his face in shame.
"FINE," he shouts in that gravelly voice that Jared calls his Batman voice, "If I move in with you will you stop doing this?"
"Never," Jared says, jerkily moving towards Jensen. "I will annoy you forever."
Jensen sighs. "You're lucky I love you. You're ruining my life."
"Love you too."
"I'm going to see if Chad's trying to steal things again," D'Argo announces.