I was a taller girl too, once. (regala_electra) wrote,
I was a taller girl too, once.

missing the good old days

In a month and a couple of days I'm turning 30. And, logging into lj, I just realized that my 10 year lj anniversary is in four days time. Sigh. Turning 30 isn't bothering me, I look GOOD for 30, and may I continue to look good for many years to come.

Having a lj for ten years and not using it kind of blows.

Remember when I was active on lj? Remember when lj was active? Those were the days. I escaped 10 years ago from a pit of some frustrating wankery to lj, promising myself that I'd totally figure out how to be awesome at this fandom thing and then 10 years later, I'm more often on tumblr (I'm on a semi-break at the moment), apologizing to old (and dear) friends for reblogging/talking about fannish things that I know they hate and biting my tongue about stupid fandom things that aren't new except people have found new words for them...and I swear guys, Joss will totally make Angel and Spike being gay 100% canon. what if we spam the Bronze board, maybe that way Joss will acknowledge our one true ship. Too bad we couldn't donate to a charity for vampire bats. And then send blood sausages to the sets. We demand to be taken seriously!

It's like 12 years since I've been active in fandom, guess what I've lost? My patience. I do like a hell of a lot of people (a shocker because I tend to be a "everyone get off my lawn" sort of person, even if I don't have a lawn) but I just wish a hell of a lot of people would just admit their goddamn biases or be like, "I am invested in things that are dumb and fun. Look at me, doing these dumb and fun things. I am enjoying myself but acknowledge this is a silly flight of fancy that might have some depth to be gained but it is also a thing that is not all that serious."

Hence why I love a good dick joke.

I totally opened up this entry to rant about something, my annoyance with THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN fandom irritants that people are so fucking shocked happened (OMG INVASION OF A CELEBRITY'S PERSONAL LIFE? WHAT GOD HAS AFFLICTED OUR FANDOM WITH SUCH A HORROR...oh my source tells me that it isn't true...OH WAIT IT IS AND HERE ARE THE PICS THAT PROVE IT. I SHALL REBLOG THEM ONLY NINE TIMES AND THEN SHAME EVERYONE WHO REBLOGS HI-RES PROOF).

Have I turned into Danny Glover? Am I now too old for this shit? Of course not, hell sometimes the most awful fans (in mean-spiritedness, in cruelty to novice fans) tend to be older fans who have long played in the fandom game and ought to know better.

Maybe I'm feeling that aimless "in-between fadom" thing which annoys me greatly as I like being fannishly engaged. But as I'm no good at being in a movie fandom, that leaves TV and the show I secretly love best, Once Upon a Time, is not going to be a fannish thing for me because I'm not up for arguing about why a villain might not always make the right decisions and why redemption isn't instantly provided on a fancy engraved card, absolving all past deeds.

Maybe I'll make fancy engraved cards for my birthday party and hand out to everyone who attends for thanking them for dealing with my asshole self.

The other issue is that I have a ton of stories I want to write for a fandom I ought to not participate in (because I'm deeply bitter the moment, it's like my darkest days of BtVS/AtS fandom, hello THIS HAS ALL HAPPENED BEFORE, how the fuck are eyou?) and my annoyance totally kills my productivity. I like writing fic, dammit, give me a positive reason to WANT to keep doing what I love.
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God, I'm feeling you so hard on the not using LJ and the being fannish thing. I wrote a totally bizarro entry, just because my mom follows my twitter and I couldn't say what I wanted to say without her seeing it. That is not how LJ is supposed to work. Honestly, I can't even remember what happened in my life anymore because I'm not journaling about it.

That sucks.

Also, not having a fandom. I just CAN'T get invested in anything lately. Like I try to read Avengers fic, but I'm just not that interested.
I feel you, I feel you.

My default icon is a fucking OWL.

I enjoy greatly that I will see you in two days because even typing my thoughts seems exhausting at the moment.
Reg, this is not me making fun of your bitterness, but you're hilarious when you're like this. This whole entry was gold.

Too bad we couldn't donate to a charity for vampire bats.


Yeah, I agree.

I've been reading about people literally shaking with ouragebecause they just killed Spiderman and I feel like gathering them all into a large room and using a magaphone to yell, "DUDES. Spiderman is a muti-million dollar industry. He is not staying dead. Sheesh."

But fans will do as fans will do. There are things I DO NOT Get and there are things I DO NOT Like and sometimes stupidly, I even state that I do not, but I'm also of the opinion whatever floats your boat is cool by me.

I also can not get into movie fandoms. Or book fandoms. I do not know why.
This is why I am a fandom hermit, because when I engage too much in fandom (especially on tumblr, OMG) I get really fucking annoyed. So I stay in my own corner where I don't see any of it and get to stay happy and wanting to write things that mean something to me.

I remember in Jossverse fandom some of the kerfuffles were annual events. Like, "It's February so it must be redemptionista!Spike kerfuffle time!"
Annoyance is a surefire productivity killer. High five on that one. And there's nothing you can do but wait it out.
So, when you're done with my brain can I has it back? Kthx.
I lurk a bit on tumblr, but I find it so confusing -- like why must I see the same things reblogged a zillion times, and how does anyone maintain a conversation?

Yup. Fandom becomes circular after awhile. I hope you find something that gives you the same bliss, again.

I value the posts that do come up on lj, regard fb as warily (so many cryptic posts that one "likes" to be polite), and spend more and more time looking at historic and vintage fashion posts on Pinterest, as nobody really gets into 'ship wars over 1910s tea dresses or 1860s crinolines . . .
TR Fandom awaits you. Bully!
So nice to hear from you! Hugs!